When we take on responsibilities that belong to others we can take on anxiety and stress that affect our health and ability to help those in ways that empower them. We forfeit healthy relationships. Sometimes helping others can be stressful and burdensome, but when we are hurting ourselves rather than excercising our ability, losing our ability to be helpful, or are enabling someone to be irresponsible we need become aware of our motives and to stop. This is something everyone struggles with and for some people it is a chronic issue related to “codependency”.

“What’s a codependent? The answer is easy. They’re some of the most loving, caring people I know.” Lonny Owen

Some of the oppressive rules of codependency from the book Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie (p. 16)

-Don’t feel or talk about feelings
-Don’t think
-Don’t identify, talk about, or solve problems
-Don’t be who you are-be good, right, strong, and perfect
-Don’t be selfish-take care of others and neglect yourself
-Don’t be vulnerable
-Don’t be direct
-Don’t get close to people
-Don’t grow, change, or in any way rock the family’s boat

And some of the core beliefs:

-I’m not lovable
-I don’t deserve good things
-I’ll never succeed